Welcome!

My name is Melissa, and I am known as Tomboy Nanny. I have been a nanny for over 15 years, a BA in early childhood education, and I am always taking new classes so I stay up to date with anything to do with parenting and childcare.

The Virtual Nanny

After my many years of nannying I have learned so much in the ways of discipline, nutrition, sleep training, and many other subjects. I now want to share that with parents regardless of where they live! I do virtual one-on-one trainings, plus in-person consultations in the Los Angeles area.

New Client Survey

If you would like to sign up for a FREE consultation, or just contact me for more information, please fill out my survey and I will email you back as soon as possible.

I hope I can help you with any of your childcare questions! When I am not working with children, I love to crochet and I also hosted a podcast where I interviewed fellow nannies on how we can continue our education an provide top-notch childcare. Links to both of these ventures can be found on the right.

Hi! My name is Melissa.

Even when I was young, I loved taking care of kids that were littler than me. Around the time I was in 6th or 7th grade, my parents noticed I had a gift with toddlers and preschoolers. I was able to calm the wildest child.

My love of kids never stopped, so of course I majored in early childhood education and received my bachelor's degree. I observed many kindergartens (my favorite grade), but it just didn't seem like where I needed to be. So for a few years after I graduated I left the education world for the food service industry (I was a server and barista for a few years).

I sort of fell into the nannying world. I applied for a job as a babysitter for three kids, thinking I would never get the job. In my mind I botched the interview. Luckily, they didn't see it that way. It started as a job where I was just expected to keep the kids alive while the parents were at work. Turns out, that's kind of boring for me. So I started researching which days were free at the museums, scheduling playdates, figuring out library story times. I worked on academics and helped the kids grow physically emotionally and intellectually. Turns out, THIS was the job for me.

Since then, I have moved to Los Angeles and worked with other families. I was also a private children's swim instructor. I love being a nanny, and I'm really good at it. The ability to work with children one-on-one in a home environment is just fantastic. Yes, it's a tough job, but I believe it's my calling.

After being at a nanny position with a preschooler for about a year, I started knitting and crocheting little toys and accessories for my charge. A few moms saw what I was doing and said I should start selling them on Etsy. I contacted an old college friend and a cousin, both who own VERY popular Etsy shops. They told me how easy it is to start one, and I've really enjoyed it. I love thinking about how my little items are in the hands of kids all over the country (and perhaps the world, eventually!) and bringing them joy. Please go check out my shop, or fill out the contact form to the right if you'd like something made just for you.

During the beginning of the pandemic, I began nannying for my first set of twins! It was amazing how much food I needed to make for those little guys, I thought their tummies were bottomless! My employers and I searched for healthy recipes they'd like, and I've written down everything they loved.

I have some awesome nanny friends, who helped me find ways to really move up in the nanny world. They suggested classes I should take, and books and activities for my nanny children. I honestly wish every nanny had a circle of nanny friends like this! So I've tried to share that advice with my podcast, The Nanny Endorsements.

Over the years, I have learned a few tricks, given and received great advice, and had a ton of laughs. I am now offering my services virtually, with The Virtual Nanny! I can help you prepare for a new milestone, make a shopping list of all the gear you might need, or just help talk you through a tough stage. Fill out a quick survey and we can schedule a FREE 30 minute virtual session!

I Did Not Love You Before

My first nanny position was with a family with three children: a five-year-old, a two-year-old, and an infant. To be honest, I was in over my head and didn’t really know what I was doing, but I worked hard to get the hang of things quickly. I had a background in preschool, so I was able to connect with Five on things like Star Wars. The baby was also easy to connect with, since dry diapers, full bottles, and cuddles go a long way.

The middle child was another story. Two wasn’t interested in playing with me or connecting with me in any way. In his eyes, I made his parents leave in the morning and woke him up from nap when he was cozy in bed and forced him out into the cold (we had to pick up Five at preschool). To make matters worse, poor Two got a nasty ear infection right after I started, so in his eyes I represented everything that was wrong in his world.

I kept trying to win him over, but I also had to care for his siblings, and this was my first nanny job. I was just trying to survive until 6pm every day. He wasn’t interested in anything but silently glaring at me with his big, expressive brown eyes.

Weeks passed, and I just tried to tread water. The family’s school and nap schedules slightly shifted. Between the baby’s naps and Five’s school pick-up, Two and I had a 30-minute quiet time together most days. I had come to terms with the fact he just might never like me. Instead, I just made sure he stayed safe during my days with him. We had to stay quiet while the baby napped, but I let him play with his favorite thing - puzzles - while I ate my snack. I stopped pushing. I let him do his thing, I let him play with what he wanted during that time - which included stealing my carrot sticks while I pretended to be utterly shocked when he ate my snack. I didn’t push. If he wanted to talk, we’d talk. But most afternoons, we’d sit silently. He had his puzzles, I’d do a crossword, while we shared some carrots.

We had a nice routine. Then one day he sat back on the couch after finishing a puzzle. “Melissa,” he said while eating a carrot stick, “I did not love you before. But I love you now.”

And that’s it. That’s the moment I do this for. That’s why I love being a nanny.

My Love is a Lighthouse

At every job interview, whether it be through an agency or a family, a nanny will be asked “what’s your parenting style?” Sometimes I’ll bring up RIE, Positive Discipline, the Respectful Approach, Attachment Theory, or some combination of them but the truth is every family is different, and every child is different. So I guess if I had to boil it down to just a few words, I’d say Lighthouse Parenting. Pediatrician Dr. Ken Ginsburg defines it perfectly:

“You should be a lighthouse for your child - a stable force on the shoreline from which they should measure themselves against. You should look down at the rocks and make sure they don’t crash against them. Look into the waves and trust that they will learn to ride them, and it’s your job to prepare them to do so.”

Does this mean I’m hands-off? Not at all. I’m always close by, observing them, ready to play with them (ONLY if they want me to!) and helping them see possibly dangerous situations. For instance, if I’m at the playground with a toddler, I don’t yell out “be careful!” or physically restrict them from an area for bigger kids. I also don’t lift them up into spots they can’t get to on their own. I might say “hang on, look down. Do you think going down the slide this way is safe? Is there another way you could get down?” Obviously I’m not going to just let a child in my charge get hurt, but I’m there to shine a light on a potentially harmful situation. I’m like the spotter at the gym: I don’t lift the weight for them, but I’m there to guide the barbell if needed.

I am a safe space to return to. I tell my charges “there is always time for hugs.” If they’re having trouble keeping their hands to themselves, or having big feelings, they can sit with me until they’re ready to talk about it. If you’re thinking, what about time-outs? How do you discipline children? I would respond with something I’ve heard in many classes: the word discipline comes from “to teach” not “to punish.” I am teaching them that I am always here to comfort and take care of them, but also to help them learn how to be respectful of others and what they can physically and emotionally handle.

Season 3 of Only Murders in the Building (don’t worry, no spoilers here!) has a great song that encapsulates this, and it’s sung by the awesome Meryl Streep. She’s even portraying a nanny in this scene:

Hush little one, let me sing you to sleep
Moonlight has come, now drift off to a dream
Sail from the day to the wonders awaiting you out there
In the deep
Off little one, chase the wind on the waves
Adventure is calling, so go and be brave
But if you get lost and you’re tossed in the dark of the sea
Look for me
I will wait at the shore for you
I will weather each storm
Standing by 'til
Safe you return from the night
My love is a lighthouse
So darling, my darling
Look for the light
The light

Farm Animals

As things start to warm up at the very beginning of spring, the farm is a busy place. Smaller children can work on learning animal sounds (did you know when your toddler says “moo” for cow, that counts as a word?) and older children can focus their favorite farm animal. When I was in grade school, my father helped me learn how to draw horses with a few drawing books from the library, for instance. Search your local area to see if there’s a petting zoo nearby, so your child can see farm animals up close!

Multi-age activity:

This time of year, those little plastic Easter eggs can be found everywhere, from your local grocery store to a dollar store, or even online. Toddlers can work on fine motor skills by trying to take them apart and put them back together, while talking about the various colors available. Using a permanent marker, write halves of sight words that can be matched up. For example, put an “s” or “m” on one half, and on the other half write “at” or “ill.” Then have your child match the halves to make their sight words. For even older children, you can write little clues in each egg and have a family scavenger hunt!

Song list:

Books:

Infant: Barnyard Dance by Sandra Boynton

Sandra Boynton has so many awesome board books, and this one has a song that goes along with it!

Toddler: Click Clack Moo: Cows That Type by Doreen Cronin

What happens when the cows get ahold of an old typewriter? They demand a better working environment from the farmer! Things get even sillier when the chickens and ducks get involved, too.

Beginning reader: Little Red Hen by Byron Barton

This retelling of the classic story about the Little Red Hen and her slightly lazy friends who won’t help her bake bread. While this book may seem a bit simple, these types of books with a lot of repetition can help new readers actually finish a book. If you have multiple children, this is a great book to start an older sibling reading to the new baby.

School aged: Mercy Watson to the Rescue by Kate DiCamillo, illustrated by Chris Van Dusen

Mercy Watson is a pig, but definitely doesn’t live like most pigs. Mr. and Mrs. Watson treat Mercy like their child, much to the chagrin of their neighbor Eugenia. One morning, the Watsons end up in a dangerous situation and send Mercy out to find help, but Mercy only wants to find snacks. But through a few hilarious mishaps, Mercy saves the day.

These books are a great choice for a child just starting to read chapter books, but want something sillier than some of the more adventurous stories. Also these books have full color illustrations to help keep the child’s attention.

Spring & Weather

Multi-age activity:

It’s now officially spring! Depending on where you live, the weather might be changing. There are tons of art and sensory activities you can do with multiple age groups. I highly recommend getting a bag of cotton balls (or search your bathroom cabinets for them). Dip them in paint or glue, or if you want a mess-free art project, get some contact paper and stick the cotton balls on. They can be big, fluffy cumulonimbus or drag them on the contact paper to make some wispy cirrus clouds.

Song list:

Books:

Infant: The Big Umbrella by Juniper Bates and Amy June Bates

This book is about how there is room for everyone under the big umbrella. It’s all about inclusivity and was also written by a mother and eleven year old daughter!

Toddler: Cloudette by Tom Lichtenheld

Cloudette is tinier than the big clouds, so she wonders if she’s really needed. When she meets a frog in a dried-up pond, she realizes even the smallest cloud can help!

Beginning reader: Are You Ready to Play Outside? by Mo Willems

I love Elephant & Piggie books! This one is great because these best friends need to pivot when they realize the weather isn’t what they planned for on a day they plan to play outside. Also, the repetitive nature of the dialogue is a great way for early readers to gain confidence.

School aged: Magnificent Makers: How to Test a Friendship by Theanne Griffith

Third grader Pablo and his best friend Violet love science. But Pablo isn’t interested in making friends with Deepak, the new kid. What happens when all three of them are whisked off into the fantastical Maker Maze? They’ll get to learn about ecosystems but also will have to learn how to work together. Not only does the reader learn about ecosystems and interpersonal relationships, but there are also instructions in the back of the book on how to create your own experiments.

Emotions

With Valentine’s Day in the middle of February, this is a great time to speak to your children about love and emotions. You can also loop in talking about biology and your child’s body. It can be as simple as singing old classics like “Head Shoulders Knees and Toes” and “If You’re Happy and You Know It” to having conversations with children of all ages about close friends versus acquaintances versus strangers and how we should behave around them.

By the way: if you’re liking these themed activities and book recommendations, upgrade to the paid subscription now! I’ll be putting these and my recipes behind a paywall starting very soon.

Multi-age activity:

Helping children learn about emotional regulation is important year-round, and an ongoing lesson. Even infants can start learning about this! Help your child label their feelings, and make sure they know there is no such thing as “good” or “bad” feelings. If your child is non-verbal, you can even make a chart of faces showing different emotions (happy, sad, excited, angry, etc) for them to point to. Of course, making each other valentines is a great activity.

Song list:

Books:

Infant: The Rabbit Listened by Cori Doerrfeld

I recommend this book to everyone, even adults. Taylor’s awesome block tower is knocked down, and various animals come to try to help them get over it. Finally, the rabbit just listened to Taylor, instead of trying to fix things. It’s an awesome reminder to us all that sometimes we need to just be there for our loved ones when they’re in crisis.

Toddler: The Boy with Big Big Feelings by Britney Winn Lee

This book is a lovely story about a boy dealing with huge feelings that he can’t seem to control. He tries to stuff his feelings down, but with some help from his loved ones and finding an artistic outlet he learns that his big, big feelings are what makes him special.

Beginning Reader: George and Martha books by James Marshall

These short and simple stories are about George and Martha, two hippos who are best friends. Sometimes friends don’t see eye-to-eye, and sometimes practical jokes backfire, but these books show that respecting each other’s feelings and a heartfelt apology can make things better.

School Aged: Friendship According to Humphrey by Betty G. Birney

A chapter book told from the point of view of the classroom hamster, what’s not to love? Humphrey observes the goings on in Room 26, and in this installment he learns how to make friends with someone who he has nothing in common with: the new class pet, Og the Frog.

Other topics include best friends fighting, bullying, and the foster care system. This is a great way for children to learn about these complex issues but from a cute little hamster. Afterwards, you can even try to write about your family from the point of view of the family pet or a squirrel watching from the window.

Dinosaurs

Children of all ages love dinosaurs! No matter where you are, January tends to be a month when we all need to spend time indoors. This would be a great time to make a trip to the local natural history museum and see some dinosaur bones or find a virtual field trip like this one.

Multi-age activity:

Freeze a few waterproof toys (or even some of your littlest one’s teethers) in a block of ice overnight. Put the ice block in one large bowl and fill another large bowl with warm water. Your children can pretend to be paleontologists using different tools (measuring cups, eye droppers, paint brushes, or any other items they can think of) to bring the warm water to the ice block. Will a washcloth work? Or paper towels? Let them work together to problem solve this dinosaur dig!

Song list:

Books:

Infant: Night Night Dino Snores by Nicola Edwards

This bedtime book has soothing rhymes and a few fun textures for baby to scratch. Read about how Elasmosaurus silently swims to bed, while T. rex gets a ride on his mother’s back.

Toddler: Tiny T Rex and the Impossible Hug by Jonathan Stutzman

Tiny the T Rex’s best friend Pointy is sad. Tiny thinks a hug will help Pointy, but how can he hug with his diminutive arms? He asks for help from multiple family members until he finally figures out the answer for himself.

Beginning Reader: Danny and the Dinosaur in the Big City by Syd Hoff

This book series is great for a brand-new reader. The sentences are short and repetitive, with a few big words like “skyscrapers” and “construction.” This story is about Danny’s class trip to New York City, and his giant dinosaur friend tags along.

School Aged: The Magic Treehouse Dinosaurs Before Dark by Mary Pope Osborne

This series is a kid favorite. These are great if your child is ready to start reading chapter books. It’s action-packed and fun to read. One caveat: this book was originally written in 1992, so the author refers to dinosaurs as reptiles (which isn’t true, they’re closer to birds). Perhaps that could be a great conversation starter with your child, about how scientists are always learning new things.

Water Bottle Holder

This easy crochet pattern is perfect for carrying any size water bottle, with a wide shoulder strap.

Materials Needed:

Worsted weight yarn

Size I crochet hook

Yarn needle to weave in ends

Stitches Used:

Special stitch: 2dc, ch, 2dc all in one stitch (shell)

Magic Ring (MR)

Half double crochet (hdc)

Slip stitch (sl st)

Chain (ch)

Double crochet in the back loops only (BLO dc)

Single crochet (sc)

Double crochet (dc)

Pattern Notes:

All rounds are not done continuously. At the end of each round, you will do a slip stitch into the first stitch of the round.

Anything withing parentheses () should be repeated the number of times indicated. For instance (2hdc) 10x means two half double crochets in each stitch for the next ten stitches.

On the right is your stitch count.

Pattern:

1. MR with hdc 10x, sl st (10)

2. Ch, (2hdc) 10x, sl st (20)

3. Ch, (2hdc, hdc) 10x , sl st (30)

4. Ch, (2hdc, hdc 2x) 10x, sl st (40)

5. Ch 2x, (BLO dc) 40x, sl st (40)

6. Ch 2x, (Shell, skip 4 sts) 8x, sl st (40)

7. - 17. Sl st 2x to the ch in the middle of the shell, ch 2x, (shell, skip to next ch) 8x, sl st (40)

18. Ch, sc 40x, sl st (40)

19. - 58. Ch 2x, dc 5x, turn your work (5)

To connect the strap to round 18, skip 15 sts and sl st 5x across both your current round and round 18. Fasten off and weave in ends.

Asking For A Review

The anniversary of my hiring is in January, so I thought this would be a great time to write about how to ask for a review. It can feel daunting to ask for a raise or a review.

Did you reach your one-year anniversary with your nanny family, and they said nothing about it? Before assuming they’re disrespecting you or don’t care about you, there is a chance they may have just forgotten. Especially when you’re working with new parents, they were probably in a new-baby fog and had no concept of what date they officially hired you. If you’ve been a nanny for a few years, remember: your employers might be rookies, while you are the seasoned veteran.

So, here’s a few steps that have helped me:

Decide for yourself if you want to wait until after your “nannyversary” or if you want to contact your employers a week or so beforehand. I personally wait until after, so my employers have a chance to acknowledge the date.
Write a list of topics you would like to discuss with your employers. Any major milestones on the horizon? Are they going on vacation in the future? Are there toys or clothes the children have grown out of? Any major changes you would like to address?
Contact your employers in the way that works best for you. Do you usually text them? Do you leave written notes on the fridge? Would you prefer to speak in person? Is email easiest? I like to keep it casual, writing something along the lines of “hi, can you believe I’ve been your nanny for a year now? The time has flown! I would love to sit down with you for a review soon. When would be a good time for you?”
Once we’ve figured out a time, I text my employers (since that’s how we usually communicate) saying “here’s a few things I’d like to discuss:” and I list some of the items I’ve thought up from step 2. But the first item on the list is “how am I doing?” In the middle, I put in a cost-of-living and/or a performance dependent wage increase. That way my employers know I will be asking for constructive criticism but also for a small raise. I also know a lot of parents have no idea what to expect when I ask for a review, so they can prepare.
Next, I do a quick Google search to see what a cost-of-living increase in my state is.
The meeting! This is the point where my stomach is full of butterflies, and I start to panic. But I keep in mind that my employers might be feeling super awkward, too. Many parents haven’t had family employees before. I start with asking them how I’m doing. I keep an open mind on any points they may have, but I keep the lines of communication open during the year, so I know if it’s anything major, they probably would have brought it up earlier.
After speaking about other things on the list, we finally get to the point where I say “so… the cost-of-living increase…” and I give them the floor. Usually, the parents will take the lead from there and either offer me a raise or ask me how much I am requesting (this is where I bring up what I learned in step 5). Then we move on to any other topics, or I end the conversation with thanking them for sitting down with me.
If the parents don’t want to give me a bump in pay (or can’t afford to) still thank them for the meeting. I try to keep any disappointment in check, until I can get home and take time to think things through. Is this a big enough deal to start looking for a new job?

Just remember this is probably super awkward for everyone! But now you know where you stand with your employers, and they know how seriously you take this career. Years ago, I shied away from asking for a review, so I never received a raise, or knew what they thought about my performance. It’s one of my biggest professional regrets.

Good luck!